About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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