If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
