why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
