That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
