I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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