It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Is Oprah even human
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
