Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
