I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
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i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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