I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
