kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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