she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
