So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
