He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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