Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
