please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
