she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You have to summon your inner elephant
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
