well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
