We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
