I hope mine doesn't look like that
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize