I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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