Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
