That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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