I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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