i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
