did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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