she woke up with a sticky ear
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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