Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize