let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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