That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
