Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm having to shit out rocks
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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