I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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