Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
