There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
