I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
