i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
