she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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