I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize