Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
