then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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