Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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