just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
