We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
