i may or may not be watching the land before time
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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