I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
