quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
