I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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