Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
