I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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