Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize