either way he was missing a nipple.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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