He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize