That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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