just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
