My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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