U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
