Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
