he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
