my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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