I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
