it hurts more in the daytime
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
