If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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