DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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