I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
