I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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