Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
