hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If that was your dad, he is hot
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
