And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
