I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize