I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
