glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
