There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
