Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
