you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize