actually, I'm a sock model
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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