I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
