It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
