toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
