Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
