so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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