Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
