She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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