So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
