Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
