Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
