i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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