no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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