Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
