guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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