umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
