We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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