look no pants
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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