what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
