i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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