is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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