She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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