omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
