is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
